I've got a jealousy complex,
that leaves me realing,
it gets so complicated sometimes.
and it's completely ironic,
how I expect you to be perfect,
and how you try so hard,
but fail so miserably,
that you feel so bad,
that you have to test me,
and let me know that I failed too,
but it's just like me to get excited,
over finding your shoe prints in the dirt,
right next to my own.
and then get angry,
because you aren't like every guy,
sex isn't your first priority,
and you know that drives me crazy,
I guess that's cause I'm not like every girl,
but you get hyped up on energy drinks
having 4 in one hour,
just to give me the colorful tabs,
and did it make you happy to see them,
collectively on my necklace,
well honestly, that night I would've given anything,
just to be able to look into your eyes,
and I still don't understand why you had to lie to me,
about something you had no control over,
do you know it drives me crazy,
that you just might be closer to my friends,
then I am,
that she might love you,
just as much as I do,
cause that scares me a little bit,
cause I know you love her too,
and so do i,
so we all love each other,
and we were all happy,
and then you left,
so that you could be happy,
and I could be happy,
and she could be freed,
but now we are all miserable and chained to each other,
the bonds we made over that one week spent with each other,
yeah those are the bonds that bind.
things like finding your cigarettes at her house,
or realizing your shirt doesn't smell like you anymore,
but like my room,
or that you still have the sweatshirt I made freshmen year,
things that are leaving me sick to my stomach,
even though they shouldn't
and wondering if you are thinking of me,
at 5 minutes to 3 am,
you should be sleeping, but I'm betting you're not,
are there things you regret saying to me,
when you called me ignored me and called me a bitch,
and I tried to walk away,
because I didn't want you to see me cry,
but you called me back,
and I didn't wanna leave anymore,
because you told me it was all a test.
no no. you meant it,
I know you did, and that's okay.
but now my heart is shivering,
it needs your voice to wrap around it,
your words to secure it,
arms to endure it,
in every dream that I have you are there,
and I get to ask you why,
and you never have an answer,
and you can't even see me,
and I'll scream,
and you'll hear me,
and you don't answer,
and it's things like this that are making me shake tonight,
bringing on the tremors,
making it hard to breathe,
oh yeah, cause this is exactly what I need.
yes yes you.
you leave me realing,
beacause I have a jealousy complex,
that you take advantage of,
I know you're not perfect,
cause perfection was never real,
just something I wanted to believe in,
back the first time I told you I loved you,
did you know that was a lie?
that I didn't mean it,
until at least 20 times later,
after all the galmour had faded,
after I knew this was no fairy tale,
and you couldn't save me,
from what I had become,
and I knew that it all landed on me,
that is when I came to love you,
it came over me,
like a fever,
creeping up on my in volumes,
until I couldn't deny it any more,
and it left me shivering and sweating,
scratching for something to come and rescue me,
cause you couldn't,
you were the sickness, you caused this,
and you couldn't be the cure too,
the fever had spread to everyone around me,
slowly turning into a plague,
and everyone felt it's wrath,
no I didn't mean it the first time I said It.
I wanted to.
and now I do.
and wish I didn't
oh boy, oh boy,
you've got a strong hold.
please don't let go.
I'm addicted to the epidemic that took ahold,
now it's like a drug, you were the dealer,
giving me more love then I knew what to do with,
and then you pulled away, quickly, leaving me to go through withdrawls.
then you crawled back into my lap, purring,
like a kitten,
just happy to be back,
and here I was again,
just as addicted as before,
only now, the fix cames in moderation,
and i could control it, but I didn't,
you had to.
and you see, my dealer is gone,
but I don't wanna find a new one,
how could i possibly trust someone else,
with a drug so potent,
no one else could give it to me the same way.
and that's why I need you.
and that's why when you shared this drug with anyone else,
it sent me crawling,
back into the dark,
dark world of jealousy,
they say jealousy is Green,
well who the hell decided that.
it's as dark as it gets,
so when you come back out,
the light is warm,
it engulfs you.
and that's what you did to me.
you brought me between overdose and withdrawl.
deafening purrs and ferocious claws,
blinding light and drowning in darkness,
Hate and Love
Happy and Sad?
was i really ever either of those.
I sure as hell don't
yes yes I'm dizzy,
I think I might fall out of this chair soon.
I really think I should crawl into bed and comatose for a while,
do you remember the nights you were supposed to join me there,
but never did,
cause I was too scared.
that's me tonight,
I want you here,
but I'm terrified, horrified to admit it.
to admit exactly what you mean to me.
which is everything by the way.
you went from being an annoyance to a distraction to my best friend to my first love and we bring it back and do it all over again.
and no matter what happens,
one thing rings true,
no matter how fucking corny this sounds,
oh and I know it does.
I love you.
and that's one thing that doesn't have 2 sides to it.
unlike me and you.